Sharing the Shenny Sauce
by devilbk
Summary: "Help, I Can't Tell Where I Am. It's Dark And I Hear Laughing." M for language.


_**A/N:**_

_**We are calling out to all Shenny fans and writers on this site. We cordially invite you to participate in the Shenny ships fun one-shot story share we've named Sharing the Shenny Sauce. We want all Shenny fans to come together in our shared ship. If you're willing to join in, here are some rules:**_

_**Search for Taco Bell Sauce sayings and choose one you like most**_

_**Place the title of your story as 'Sharing the Shenny Sauce" and place your phrase in the Summary and underneath your author's note describing the rules (like so)**_

_**Your story must be a one-shot between 500-1500 words (not including A/N)**_

_**Your story may be of any genre or rating (yes… ANY rating **__**wink wink**__***)**_

_**It must be a Shenny story**_

_**Deadline is the end of March**_

_**Let your creative juices flow and start sharing!**_

"Help, I Can't Tell Where I Am. It's Dark And I Hear Laughing."

Penny was pacing backstage. She was really angry. The stage manager had already called ten minutes and she was going to make her stage debut in a real play in front of a real audience for real money. She had been in San Francisco rehearsing for two weeks. She thought she had it covered. She thought she was ready. She knew her lines and she knew her blocking. Her head was swimming with possibilities until a half hour before curtain.

"I'm doomed. Doomed. I'm going to do something stupid. I'm going to forget my lines. I'm going to enter at the wrong time. I'm doomed," she thought.

"Un-fucking-believable! Fucking Leonard. Who does that! WHO FUCKING DOES THAT? A half hour before the most important night of my life and he sends me flowers and a card that says _"Good Luck"_! I mean, who does that? Does he want me to fail? Even Sheldon, who can be almost clueless at times, sent me a text that simply said _"Merde"_. Sheldon took the time to find out what you say to someone before a performance. My supposed boyfriend couldn't be bothered to do that. No he couldn't be bothered to do a little Googling. Well, not unless it's about sex. And I bet he Googled every person in the cast and crew to see which ones I might fuck. The rest of the time he's texting me every freaking half hour to find out how I'm doing. What he really wants to know is who I'm doing. I ought to respond to his freakin' texts. "Sorry Leonard, busy fucking the cabbie." Or "Sorry Leonard, didn't have enough for a tip so I blew the bell boy." Or "Rehearsal went really well tonight, Leonard, so we're having the traditional pre-opening orgy." That'd teach him. _Good fucking luck._ He can't be bothered to show an ounce of curiosity about what I do, about what I care about. I went to Sheldon to teach me about physics. I didn't learn much but at least I tried. I went to Leonard's lectures. I visited his freaking lab. I even had sex with him in his freaking lab. Good fucking luck! Sheldon at least tried to learn about acting. He read all those books about it, even the one by Fonzie. No, not Leonard. After I did the scene from Streetcar, Sheldon was curious enough about it to read the whole play. He didn't understand it all but he tried. And then he read every freaking play by Tennessee Williams. Even I haven't done that. I tried to get Leonard to watch the movie and what does he do. He says that he's seen all he needs to and doesn't want to dilute my brilliant performance in his memory. He thought he was sounding romantic when all he really sounded was lazy and stupid. And the Star Wars audition contest. He didn't even know about it until Howard told him and then he tried to make it sound like he'd done me this incredible favor. _Good fucking luck!_ He fucking wants me to fail so I marry him and have his smart and beautiful lactose intolerant children. No, I'm done. Wait till he sees the end of Act 2. He'll freaking explode. Me, standing in the middle of the stage, stark naked for ten minutes. Leonard will have a freaking cow. That's why I didn't tell him. I told Sheldon. I can't believe I actually told Sheldon. And what does he go and say. "If this is a way for you to achieve your dream than I support your decision to do it." What would I get from Leonard? Hell, I'm ready for him to storm the stage and pull me off. _Good fucking luck"_

"Wait a second. Sheldon is interested in what I do. Sheldon goes out of his way to learn what I do. Sheldon learns the arcane customs about what I do. Sheldon wants my dreams to come true. Sheldon has always been there for me every step of the way. Holy crap on a cracker! Sheldon loves me. I'm with the wrong physicist!"

"_Five minutes."_

"Okay, calm down, Penny. You have a play to do. It sounds like there's a lot of people out there. They seem to be ready to have a good time. Okay. Yoga time. Close your eyes. Concentrate. Breathe, slowly, in, out, in, out. Let your mind go blank. Banish all worries and thoughts from your mind and concentrate on your breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out."

"Wait. Where am I? Oh my God. Help, I can't tell where I am. It's dark and I hear laughing."

"Whoops. My mind went a little too blank, there. I'm in the theatre. I'm about to perform. The man I love is out in the audience. He just doesn't know it yet."

"_Places."_

_A/N: In the event you don't know, the theatre world is rife with superstitions. Don't mention MacBeth in a theatre. Most refer to it as "the Scottish play." Don't whistle in a theatre (unless it's scripted). Those of us who have been on stage or who know people who perform on stage know better than to wish someone good luck before a performance. We'll say "Break a leg" or "Merde."_


End file.
